“I have reflected extensively on my unforgivable failure to recognize that certain quarters achieve legislative success not through merit, but through the ancient art of compliance, of a very personal kind.”

“How remiss of me not to understand that my refusal to indulge your… “requests” was not merely a personal choice, but a constitutional violation of the unwritten laws of certain men’s entitlement. Truly, I must apologise for prioritising competence over capitulation, vision over vanity, and the people’s mandate over private dinners behind closed doors.

“I now realise the catastrophic consequences of my actions: legislation delayed, tempers flared, and the tragic bruising of egos so large they require their own postcodes. For this disruption to the natural order of “quid pro quo,” I bow my head in fictional shame.

“Please find it in your magnanimous heart — somewhere buried deep beneath layers of entitlement — to forgive this stubborn woman who mistakenly believed that her seat in the Senate was earned through elections, not erections. I remain Yours in eternal resistance, Senator Natasha H Akpoti Uduaghan Unafraid, Unbought, and Unbroken.”